Baffled

It was a day like any ordinary day. A day of errands and tasks on a typical midsummer Salt Lake afternoon. My man-friend and I had stopped at a local tire shop to get a couple new tires put on Abigale, my loyal Stratus, and we were waiting for them to finish, when out of nowhere we were hit with the inexplicable. He was of average build, fit, with some miniature muscles showing with his cut-off shirt. He was dressed in a masculine manner and wore nothing that would suggest femininity – he even had a tattoo. Moreover, his demeanor while talking to the manly mechanics at the shop was one of comfort and camaraderie, almost like he belong in a testosteron-ed tire shop – getting greasy and dirty while talking about motorbikes and loose women. But then I looked down and saw what he was toting, and to this day I have never been the same. He was carrying a bedazzled cat purse. Did he just like cats? Does he have a thing for Alice in Wonderland? And why did it have to be bedazzled? Bedazzled! I have been trying to conjure up a likely story so I can lay this to rest but I can come up with NOTHING. Nothing. I... Don’t.....Know. I don’t! And I probably never will. Ever. And I am not sure if I can live with that.

I had to share......

I was going to post this picture a while ago....to share the beauty of a Salt Lake summer squall and the unique double rainbow that day (plus it was the last day of Pride Week and I remember wondering if its arrival in the sky incited celebratory riots at the festival).

But then.....

I saw this video and realized that my apparent lackluster enthusiasm I had that day for the rainbow was unworthy of the unbelievable "intensity" and magnificence that is a tear-jerking, mind-blowing, baffling double rainbow..

The clip just gets better and better. It gets really exciting at about 1:10. Who ever said drugs weren't funny?

Are we doing this now?

This is the third time it's happened and I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I suppose if it's the norm now, and there is widespread acceptance, I will have to get used to it. But more and more people are openly talking on the phone in public restrooms. I mean first of all, like probably everyone else, I confess to tinkle-talking every once in a while. Say you are on the phone and just pull into the garage and you have had to pee for like three hours, but your conversation is too intense to cut it off. Sure I will hit the mute button and go. But that is in the privacy of my own home, in my own room, in my own bathroom, not in a restaurant or a public university. It's most distressing when you are the only other person in the bathroom because you always, at first, think they are talking to you. And responding makes it like 10 times more awkward. Trust. Anyway I am finding it appalling, but if all the kids are doing it these days I suppose I can get used to it. I probably won't embrace it, but I won't be mortified about it. Can someone please enlighten me?

It was a mistake....

Dear Long Beach Granny's Doughnut (LBGD),

Sorry if this is awkward but I just want to clear the air about our affair last week. What we had was beautiful and special. I had no idea doughnuts could be as amazing and fresh and soft and decadent as you. During my week out there with you I felt like a different girl. A girl that could eat whatever I wanted, a girl that deserves as many baked goods as I can handle, and a girl that can deal with carb/sugar comas. You made me feel alive and I will never forget those late nights and early mornings with you. But LBGD, I am not the girl you think I am. I never was. This, ummmm, thing we had.... it was a mistake and.... and... well...it's over. It has to be. You aren't good for me and I could never be good for you. If maybe someday we run into each other again, I only hope that I will be strong enough to walk away. Thank you for everything and I will never forget you.

Sincerely,

Your Former Lover

Dikini's and Nelwins

....or...Mordor meets The Shire, depending on your epic blockbuster story of choice. Me, I like the classics.

Terror is spelled U T A

I have some irrational fears - frostbite, hitting a pedestrian, having someone run a shopping cart into my heels at full speed - just to name a few. But last week I was faced head on with one of those fears when the UTA police stepped onto my TRAX car. Now I really don't know where my UTA Police anxiety stems from. Maybe it's the fact that on occasion I have ventured outside the "free fare zone" from downtown without buying a ticket, or maybe its the simple fact that once they nab you on that car there is no place to go until the next stop and you will have all eyes on you until you get there. Most likely however, it probably stems from the officers' demeanor. I am pretty sure before their shift starts they are shown a video of someone slapping their mama because every time I have seen them they look PISSED. And I mean just ticked off, like the TRAX train was their own personal vehicle that someone was unauthorized to be in. Every time they step on and say "tickets out!" my mind starts to race..."do I have my pass? Where is it? Will they accept it since it is just a UVU card?....Am I not supposed to look them in the eye? Look away!!....OMG did I just pee a little??" Anyway last week was the first time I saw them catch an illegit rider and it was scary. Don't mind that the kid couldn't have been more than 16 years old, using his mom's pass because "she is a teacher and told him it would be ok." They man-handled him off the train really quick and as the officer was walking off the train he threw one mad-dogging glance back to the rest of us as if to say, "I'll get you. Maybe not today, but I am coming for you...coming for you all." Just be advised.

Get off his back

Sure he has put on a few pounds and he has workout hair but my hell, he looks like a man now. I'm sorry but prepubescent, emaciated, concentration camp victim just didn't really do it for me, even with his god given-good looks.