Thursday, December 29, 2011

This dude

Seriously the funniest trainer I have ever seen. He completely takes the hilarity of MTV's "I Used to be Fat" to a different level. He can go ahead and speak for himself.

"My name is Joey, I am the best trainer on the earth, I believe."

"Everyone does the curls for the girls but that's not what its about. It's about the the tri for the guy. Because when you get all the guys in the room to realize that the tri is in their eye, they back off. Also when the girls see that all the other dudes have taken a reverential stance toward the big bear, they'll know what's up and they'll recognize the alpha dog in the room."

"Get yourself kicked off the planet. Who can put a limit on intensity. Everyone wants to think there must be a magic potion or that your mom was impregnated by a waterbuffalo, so you're genetics are absurd. Sometimes the answer is just training like a genius lunatic and never screwing up until the goal is met."


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Happy Holidays... sans the awkward couples photo

I've had a few Christmases without a tree. Some years I just kind of thought it was pointless since I would be out of town for Christmas anyway. This year was supposed to be the same until on the way to a checkout line my life partner snagged a $10 baby tree because, "why not?" Anyway consider this the quintessential Christmas blog. We tried to take pictures with us in it as well but since the tree was so tiny and we are giants the pics turned out extremely awkward - like we were intimidating a Christmas-decorated house plant. Nonetheless, Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Give me the chair...

So this time I decided not to solicit opinion or announce to anyone that I was going to get my hair relaxed. Last time it was met by shunning and name calling, in fact one kind, sweet, hair expert roommate of mine whose opinion I relied on heavily called me a "dumb a$$" when I told her I was doing it. While most just did a lot of whining about how "people" would kill for my hair and I was going to ruin it. As usual when I ask who "those people" are they don't have much of an answer. Anyhow I suspect that these before and after pictures will more than be able to speak in defense of my choice to go to the chair last week....

BEFORE...unruly, overly big, unmanageable, out of control and I got dreads on a daily basis:

AFTER....Smoother, manageable, less crazy, more control, no dreads yet! Yay.

So do I have people on my team now?

Thursday, December 8, 2011

I have a name, you have a number

I have always been a big fan of a sound verbal spanking. Maybe it's because I never really got them growing up. Both of my parents, when perturbed would generally turn to yelling, sometimes gibberish, or of course would resort to a smack. Or maybe it's because a quality and genuine verbal spanking is rare since people aren't generally "on" when they are irritated, frustrated or under duress. But this lady, wow. As a sexual assault victim, she opted out of anonymity so she could give her attacker what can only be described as a verbal thrashing on the day of his sentencing. I mean, she took him to the wood shed:

"I just want to tell you — and I want you to look at me when I address you...You have not broken my spirit. You have not changed my belief in God. If anything, you've strengthened both. I am not a victim. I am the victor, the stronger and the winner..."
"I contribute to my community. You help decay yours. My life will never be the same. You know why? It's going to be better than it was before....My tears are out of joy because I'll never see you again. Ever."

And for the finale....

"Oh and by the way, I do have one more thing," she said. "My name is Heidi Elizabeth Damon. I have a name. I have a name that will go on forever. You have a number and the title of the crimes that you've committed. Your name is Sex Offender, Attempted Murderer. Nice to put you away."