Thursday, January 29, 2009


"I was in Washington State, at a small-town YMCA, when a boy wandered into the lap lane and popped his head, seal-like, out of the water. I would later learn that he was nine, but at the time he was just this kid, slightly pudgy, with a stern haircut. It's like he went to a barbershop with a picture of Hitler, that's how severe it was. We got to talking, and when I told him I wasn't a very good swimmer, he challenged me to a race. I think he assumed that, like most adults, I'd slow down and intentionally let him win, but he didn't know who he was dealing with. I need all the confidence I can get, and one victory is just as good as any other. Thus I swam for my very life and beat the pants off him. I thought this was it - he'd accept his defeat and move on with his life - but five minutes later he stopped me again and asked me if I believed in God. "No," I told him. "Why?" I thought for a second. Because I have hair on my back, and a lot of other people, people who kill and rob and make life miserable, don't. A real God wouldn't let that happen."
— David Sedaris

Monday, January 26, 2009

Water works

So I have a friend who was thrown off a horse and among some cracked ribs and bumps and bruises, she knocked her head really bad. This said friend claims that since the incident she is much more emotional, as if something was knocked loose in her mind and now she is all of a sudden more easily touched. Incredibly random things now make her cry and she answers our incredulous looks of inquiry with a shrugged "I cry now." Not to cast aside her theory of the horse incident putting her tear ducts in high gear, but I think it is age. Growing up I can only remember seeing my father cry twice. Now he cries relatively often and I am told he even has shed a tear in movies like Disney's, "The Parent Trap." I don't identify myself as a crier but I am going to document the things that make me cry now and then check back in 3 years and see if that list has grown. To date what makes me cry is:

- "You Raised Me Up" put to just about any slide show or video. Alone the song could be described as unremarkable but put it to a graduation video, something portraying a triumph, or even a slide show of you favorite cats, I will bawl.
- Sunday morning Feed the Children Infomercials. Gets me every time.
- The end of The Little Mermaid, after Ariel gets married and says goodbye to King Triton.
- Watching any event in the Special Olympics
- The movies Armageddon, The Green Mile, Seven Pounds, Charlie, Evita and Antwone Fisher - I am yet to watch with out Niagra.
- The end of the book The Kite Runner
- History Channel programs on Martin Luther King Day
- Any Extreme Home Makeover show
- The thought of my neighbor's St. Bernard, Jake, dying. It hit me once when I was doing yard work in the front yard and he was hanging out with me and pushing me over.
- And finally....this video, introduced to me by one of my happy thoughts, Doug. I can make it about a third of the way through before the tears come. Don't ask me the reason, I have no idea why.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

New Years Resolutions: Why I kick a$$ at them

Well another great birthday has come and gone. And as each birthday comes and goes not only do I find myself closer to rollin in a rascal, wearing bright colored sweats and living off the government, but I also am hit with the reality of how awesome my friends are. This year I had a birthday weekend, not just a day, and I am thinking it is a perfect start to what I believe is going to be a great year. So it's time to set some resolutions.
Last year, if you recall, my New Years resolutions were to keep my upstairs plant alive and use my blinker at all times. The idea was to set achievable resolutions so I could end the year with a sense of accomplishment rather than ending the year with broken resolutions and feelings of inadequacy - like the year I wanted to learn a language, take a third world humanitarian trip, lose 420 lbs and remodel my back yard. Ya, didn't even come close. But this year I succeeded in both of those resolutions. I blinked every time I made a turn - religiously. But I was pulled over six times for speeding, license plate and other various violations along with three parking infractions. I did indeed keep the upstairs plant alive - in fact it is in its third round of blooming. Even so, I killed four other inside plants and two, possibly three outside plants. Nonetheless that resolution methodology had the adverse desired effect, especially in 2008 aka the worst @#$%*& year of my #$@^# life. I have railed against it for months. But ending the year with that kind of disdain will only put a dark cloud over the beginning of this year. So to avoid the thunder I figure I need to only reflect on the positive things that came out of the #$%@! year 2008.

- I got a new great job that allowed me the means and time to go on two dream vacations to the Pacific
- I discovered Special K chocolate cereal
- Out of the six times I got pulled over I only got 3 tickets
- My home warranty yielded me a shiny new stove for free
- I racked up some hefty frequent flyer miles
- At work was moved from a small cubicle to a larger, freshly painted cube
- I only rolled my ankle once this year
- I was cavity free
- On at least three or more occasions I found forgotten cash, $20 or more,in my clothing pockets
- Josh, the contender I picked to win from the very beginning, won So You Think You Can Dance
- I discovered a knock-off conditioner which is way cheaper than my name brand expensive product but just as good.
- I followed through with all of my New Year’s resolutions
I am sure there are other positive nuggets, though they aren't immediately coming to me. That being said I am going to start the New Year off right and make my resolutions a little more lofty. I hereby vow not to kill ANY plants that I own, AND avoid moving violations all together thus staying off the radar of law enforcement.....oh what the heck. I'll add one more. I also vow to drink at least four glasses of water a day. (It may not be 8 but it's a improvement). Check back with me in a year. I am tasting victory already.

Monday, January 12, 2009


I know I know. Its been forever...about two months. Things have been crazy and I have been a slacker. In my defense I write a couple blogs a week in my head. So here's the deal. I went back to the islands for Christmas and New Years. It was warm, green and I again got to explore the deep blue. This time we actually had an underwater camera. But when I got back home it claimed there was no photos taken. Bummer. I got some sun burns the first day that lead me, for first time in my life, to use sunscreen and even today my forearms still look like I have a skin disease. One day I actually fell asleep after coming back from snorkeling and didn't lather up. If it wasn't for this heinous disgusting worm/caterpillar/centipede crawling across my face and waking me up the burn on my arms could have been a lot worse. Since it was my second go-round there in the space of a few months we didn't take as many pics except for the few days we spent at Fafa resort aka Paradise. We had our own little coconut cottage right on the beach. Anyway here are some pics.