Thursday, November 26, 2009

The gods hate me.

"When life gives you lemons just say F the lemons, and bail"
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

This was how I spent my Thanksgiving morning, missing my 5K and sitting at Salt Lake International while Abigale sat there with what I can only guess is a broken starter. I really caused a scene. Being the "greeny" that I am I opted to turn my car off as I unloaded my sister-in-laws bags so she could get on her flight. After getting back in the car it wouldn't start. Fifteen minutes later Abigale, airport maintenance trucks and a massive tow truck (which you can't see in the pic because it is behind me) effectively blocked three car lanes, backing up Thanksgiving Day traffic for 10 minutes. Awesome. Happy Thanksgiving.

Wait wait is Thanksgiving....I mean it's no secret that I don't exactly LOVE this holiday, but can I really let it go down like that? Nay. Let's look at the things I am thankful for today:

1) Kick-A friends who at the drop of a hat came to the airport and plucked me out of the humiliation.
2) The fact that I have a car at all, even if she is a jerk to me on holidays.
3) Friendly airport maintenance men who cheerfully tried to help me even though they were deaf to my diagnosis that it WAS NOT THE BATTERY, but the starter, and tried to jump it anyway.
4) The fact I was wearing pants. Had I not been planning on going straight over to the 5K after I had dropped them off, there is a good chance I would be wearing what one friend describes as my "bring-all-the-boys-to-the-yard" green booty shorts and maybe a blanket or a sweatshirt. I live so close to the airport that sometimes I don't even bother to grab shoes.
5) My new bed, Alejandro Fernandez, named because it is as tempting as a seductive Latin lover. Speaking of, I think it's time for a pre-dinner nap.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Team Jakeward - My Twi Confession

So I read a Twilight book... Ok, so I read all of them. It was a journey rife with emotions spanning from self-loathing to addiction to delight. Initially, I wouldn't have touched the books with a 10-foot pole. Then I lost my job and had significantly more time on my hands. Still, committing to 3,000 pages of a brooding teenager with a death wish and a vampire wanting to eat her face was hard to commit to. But finally the peer pressure got to me and I succumbed.

I liken reading the first book to a stereotypical rough first year of a struggling marriage. There was regret. There were thoughts of quitting and in some moments the commitment I made to read it was really the only thing keeping me going. First of all it was beyond redundant. Reading the same things over and over again: how insecure, clumsy and awkward Bella is, her physiologic reactions - i.e. heart pounds, palms sweat, cheeks blush - every time Edward touches her or looks at her blah blah blah.....enough already. We got it the first 37 times. Moreover I was a tad taken aback by the fact that there seemed to be support for the idea that a moody, somewhat controlling stalker for a boyfriend is acceptable. Even if it was all out of love...I've seen that same scenario on Lifetime and on a few after-school specials and it never ends well. And overall, Bella bugged. For me, she was an unlikeable, whiny and brooding protagonist, and frankly the commentary on the plight of the melancholy high school adolescent that feels she doesn't fit in bored me. It's a tired scenario that's been done. About half-way through it I tried to break up with the book all together. But something always pulled me back in (plus I was kind of hoping Bella would die or something in the end so that contributed to me coming back to it) but before long it was over. All in all, it wasn't a bad experience, the writing wasn't anything stellar - easy to see why 5th graders are in love with it. I didn't pull out any profound meaning or literary nuggets to reflect on. But it was an engaging story, even though it was a bit of a slow start.

On to New Moon? Well sure, since my friend had established months before that he planned on dragging me to the New Moon movie opening night, I figured I may as well read it. It wasn't half bad. Not as dull as the first book, though still a little gag me on the lovey crap. Plus I kind of wanted to finally see a little more strength from Bella, but it was more of the whiny, I-can't-breath-without-my-first-love-and-my-life-is-over-and-will-never-be-the-same-again. Ugh. However it was a little more fast-paced and in the end I actually wanted to read the third book, and didn't think twice about the fourth. The third one delivered because there was so much going on that there wasn't time or room for all the annoying crap. The story was fast paced, intricate and a good time. By the end of the fourth book, well I had a change of heart and actually wasn't hoping for her death like in the first book. All in all, would I recommend the read?............yes

Now before you go rolling your eyes and judging my mental state, may I remind you that I am a lit major as well and have been known to have discriminating tastes in books. But sometimes Steinbeck, Coelho, Morrison and Hosseini need to take a back seat. Plus it was nice to finish a book without being completely wrecked or feeling you have stare at a blank wall for a few days to process all the deep meaning. Trust me. It's ok to have some cake with sprinkles once in a while.

The Movie - New Moon
Yes, I saw it. Yes, it was on opening night, and yes, I was pretty much surrounded by 14 year-old girls and a handful of their moms. Yes, I was embarrassed when I found myself seriously lusting over the 17-year old actor who plays a morphing werewolf and yes, I tried to be one of the first out of the theater so I wouldn't be seen. And finally yes, I could be persuaded to go again with you should you want to see it, providing you are a friend or lover. Call me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


It's been forever. I get it. I fell off the proverbial blog wagon and I am petitioning the blog gods for a pardon. I think it will be granted and they will be a bit more forgiving than my friend Dave who nudged me in the direction of return with this scathing email rebuke.

"This is ridiculous. You have not posted on your blog in nearly two months. Two months! If I tried pulling that, you would be pulling the "broom of pride" out and beating me senseless with it. To make matters worse, you have not been on SKYPE in weeks. You don't write. You don't email. And you sure as hell don't call. When I do call you pass off the phone to someone else. So what am I to do? Well, I will tell you what I did today. I did the rowing machine at the gym for thirty to forty minutes. Tomorrow and into the foreseeable future, I don't plan on shaving. So the next logical step is pretty obvious: find Spokane's version of Martha Shaw."
*Note: If you haven't seen The Notebook, you may not get the references....But then again, if you haven't seen The Notebook you probably don't have a soul.

So thanks for taking me back blog world, lets not be on a break again...