Friday, February 24, 2012

Dear Tyler Perry,

I don't watch horror movies because I really can't deal with gratuitous violence and unlikely story lines - but mostly I hate the feeling of ick that usually accompanies you for a day or so after you watch one. Well Tyler, given my current feeling of ick, your movies are officially now in my horror movie category. I mean it's not like I was ever a HUGE fan of yours, but like most people I love me some Madea. Even though those movies have kind of a shallow and predicable plot and the majority of the cast, though devastatingly good looking, are terrible at acting, the Madea character made it all worth while.
But the last two of your movies I have seen, Why Did I Get Married 2 and For Colored Girls were painful beyond description. Basically you take two movies and pack them with the most negative and horrific circumstances you can think of and then throw credits at the end. Why? I get that you are probably trying to paint a realistic picture of life, maybe to make up for some fluff films you have done in the past, but this is me tappin' out. There's a limit Tyler.
Last night when I was watching For Colored Girls (I decided to check it out because it had some awesome actresses including Clair Huxtable) I knew what I was getting into and I decided to prepare for it - thinking "ok this is going to happen to this girl, this to this girl etc." I was pretty creative and dark in my predictions since you can never be too prepared (I don't want to give specifics because I don't want to ruin anyone's day). But my conjectures weren't dark or bizarre enough because what actually happened in the movie was way worse than almost all my predictions. If I could just read the poems in the movie on my own I would have gotten much more from them.
Why does a movie exploring the lives and issues of women of color have to be so crass and dark? I mean sure, things like that happen out there, to everyone. But why not throw in a few triumphs too? I'm a girl of color and I know a few others too. Give me a call and I can maybe help you out with some realistically positive perspectives that you clearly need. Critics rarely had anything good to say about the movie, one calling it a "brave failure." Anyway the ick from this movie will probably stick around for a day or two, that's longer than the residual ick from Paranormal Activity. I guess what I am trying to say is that I miss Madea.

A "Colored" Girl

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A gal's best friends....

Flowers, chocolates and a Citrine ring I have wanted for like three years..... My gentleman lover knows what's up.

Lore has it the gem carries the power of the sun. It carries the virtues of inspiration and self-improvement and promotes radiance and optimism. Take that February winter blues. I like rocks.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

It starts with birth control...then comes Nazi totalitarianism...

An awesome response to fear mongering from what let's hope is the "far right."

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentines Day

"You're the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time."
~ Brian Andreas

Monday, February 13, 2012

Ticked at Bieber

I don't feel that I have to defend the fact that I watched Justin Bieber: Never Say Never this morning on Netflix. But I will say that I sometimes work better if there is some background noise, which is what I was after when I pressed play. He's an incredibly talented young man with an extraordinary story. But perhaps the most entertaining nugget about the movie was this review from an apparently angry and disgruntled middle aged man:

"Ok, real simple question. How old is he, like seventeen at the most? So what exactly does "never" mean to him anyway? I cant stand hearing people, especially him, talk about how persistent he was and how he never gave up in the face of adversity. What adversity? He made his first million before he was old enough to drive a car. Is he aware that there are people out there that have been trying to make it the music industry longer than he's been alive. Adversity is working a sixty hour week and still not having enough to pay the bills. Persevering in the face of adversity is finding the strength to work your fingers to the bone every day of your life for pack of ungrateful children and a menopausal spouse without turning into an alcoholic. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on whether or not they like his music. But, it is not a matter of opinion to say that he is abnormally famous and wealthy at a remarkably young age. In other words, everyone else has worked harder for less. He never said never?!?! Of course not, he didnt have time between getting potty trained and learning how to talk. Don't tell me about perseverance you little queer, a hard days work and a cold beer would literally kill you. Justin, by all means, enjoy your success, but never make the colossal mistake of forgetting what you really are, lucky and blessed. More so than almost anyone else on the entire planet...Seriously, just say "thank you" and quit acting like you spent the last thirty years curing cancer."

I think the question here, though he may have a point or two, is what was a cranky guy like him doing watching it in the first place? I bet he sent his kids to bed without dinner and then poured some scotch that night after he watched it.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The best weapon is the one you never have to fire

On Saturday life partner, one of the most laid back men I have ever met, and I decided to hit the cinema. We saw Chronicle - I give it a C+ if you were wondering. Anyway as we were trying to get out of the parking lot we ran into some inconsiderate pedestrians that J could not deal with. It was a couple that was walking down the middle of the road, blocking cars from going past them. We were right behind them following them at a snails pace waiting for them to move to the side so traffic could get going. Though J is seriously the most patient person I have ever met in my life, when it comes to waiting on computers (things to load, download etc) and traffic he doesn't have a lot of tolerance. And with the two traffic-blocking idiots that night, whatever patience he did have was worn through. He gave them what I like to call a "courtesy honk," letting them know that they were holding things up. But instead of looking back and then moving to the side the guy turned around and glared at J. He just stood there with this crusty on his face for like five seconds and then J yelled "MOOOOVE!!" That was all it took for the idiot to start walking toward the car, ready to start something. Now I have been in this situation before with past beaus of more volatile natures. It usually doesn't end well - often with blood and sometimes cops - and at this point my heart would be pounding out of my chest. But that night I was hardly worried. We were in my car and it was dark so the idiot couldn't see what he was about to go up against. I let him walk a little closer to the car, looking tough and calling us out, before I opened my door. The car light went on and he saw that behind the wheel of this tiny car was actually a 6'6," 330 lb. Samoan. I calmly said to him, "Please move on, you don't want this." He quickly did an about face, cursing us under his breath to his lady and bounced. No blood, no threatening words, no confrontation. Just a light. Smart dude.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

From "Fatty McGee" to "Hmm I guess not really"

About five or six years ago when he was headed into his teens my baby brother went through his chubby phase. I thought he was adorable, but I suppose that when the siblings closest in age to you stay bean poles during their developmental years it could give you a complex. And for him it did.
Ever since then he has thought himself fat, regardless of the fact that a few years later he blossomed into a 6'2" slender swan. Despite now being skinny, though, thankfully, keeping his healthy sized rump that inspired his nickname "Juicy Double," he carries the body image of a blimp. I, who have been chubby my whole life, among other siblings (not to mention names but I am looking at you Elder) have had our share of giggles exploiting his little fat kid within. Example:
He is teasing me about something and I respond with "shut your fat face," only to see him crumble and look at me through sad eyes and say something tragic like "I already know I'm fat, you don't have to remind me."
It's mean, I know. But it has always given me a good laugh at the irony that he is so completely skinny and handsome and accomplished, but the nonsensical issue of his nonexistent chub rolls is the one thing that can bring him down. Anyway I guess once you hit your 30s it's time to stop exploiting your siblings' weak spots, so I have now been working on bringing him to a healthy level of body image rationale. It must be working because I got this little nugget this week.

So I guess we have gone from "Blimpie" to "Fatty McGee" to "I Guess I'm Really Not Fat." I'll take it as serious progress.

What he thinks he looks like...

What he actually looks like....

Oh and did I mention he could do this....