Monday, June 15, 2009

According to Urban Dictionary

Sa⋅mo⋅ans [suh-moh-uhnz]
Large Polynesian people who originally hail from Samoa but can be found in larger numbers throughout New Zealand and Australia. Generally very friendly but only piss them off if you're tired of living

Little Timmy was sick of living, so he went to Auckland to piss off some Samoans

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Good Morning Baltimore

Heard standing at the food counter about to pay for my Wendy's breakfast at Baltimore Washington International at 5:47 a.m.

Wendy's manager lady: "That'll be $4.57"

(Her cell phone rings and she answers loudly)

Wendy's manager lady: "You got about 30 minutes to get your sorry a$$ in here!....What time then?.......What?.....8 o' clock?!! $%#& that mother-$#&$*!! I don't need you or your #$&%, don't even bother coming in........Ya, fired.......Notice? You don't get no $%#^& notice! This is your notice mother &@#$!

(hands me my receipt)

Wendy's manager lady: "Have a nice day ma'am"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

D.C....still here.

Loves: historic sites, tons of greenery, Georgetown, grits, catfish, Kayla and my Dougy-digs.

Hates: humidity, my hair in the humidity, 85 degrees and humidity, escalators so tall my toes curl.

United at last....

Don't look back...don't look back...don't look back

Washington love

Friday, June 5, 2009


Dear Elizabeth Hasselbeck,
I hate your stupid face. On the rare occasion that I watch The View, I only do so with the hope that one of the ladies will break one of their chairs over your head. In fact, I would most likely be willing to give a kidney just to see one of the Viewies Karate chop you in the stomach. (I would give a lung if I could do it myself). I would rather submit to a lengthy root canal procedure than hold two words conference with you. Ever. Please develop an addictive habit that spirals out of control, thus forcing you to leave the entertainment world. Or just kindly leave. Either way.


The Anti-Elizabeth Board

P.S. - You are stupid. And your voice makes my ears hemorrhage.