Wednesday, July 8, 2009

This...is...SPARTA!!!

I had five cats in my backyard. Not the cute kind, but the mangy feral kind that shriek at night and destroy your already fragile hibiscus plant. I had done everything from opening the window and yelling at them to chasing them with brooms. Finally at my breaking point I called animal control and they presented me with the ultimate solution - a fool proof trap to catch them and bring them in. I was elated at first and even anxious for the day they would have a trap available for me. When I got the call a week later that there was one ready I lost my nerve. I knew that the minute I took the cats in they would be euthanized, given the fact they were wild animals. Their deaths would be on my head and I couldn't take it. Fast forward to this week....I was talking to one of my friends who has known me for about six years. We were talking about the cats and then on to people softening in their old age, accusing me of being the poster girl for it. He then revealed to me that my nickname, years ago and unbeknownst to me, was "the General" - short for General Maximus Decimus Meridius (Gladiator 2000). Then he expounded, calling my former self the the "emotional Leonidas of Sparta." Oh, he had a good laugh and then started speculating on what prompted my fall from being compared to ancient war heroes - age, relationships, something in the water etc. He said that me not trucking the cats off to their deaths was truly a milestone and welcomed me to the softer side. Well it's true, I have never really given way to emotional nonsense and I still like to think that I lean to the pragmatic side of life. But really, you nicknaming jerks shouldn't celebrate too much. Just because I didn't cry over spilled milk in my tougher days doesn't mean I would have gleefully Cruella Deville'd neighborhood animals. AND even so, I haven't seen the cats lately which means someone else probably did it, which I have no problem with. Oh and PS - when I see you nicknamers, and you know who you are, please expect a hearty dead leg.

7 comments:

Dave said...

Spaniard, had you vanquished the felines I would have told you that you were "good, but NOT THAT good."

BIGjun said...

It's not so bad on the soft side... I haven't beaten up anyone in years

Erin said...

Does this mean I can credit card you without fear of mutilation?

Lo said...

I'm guilty of nicknaming -- something fierce. But not unkindly. Loved the post.

Jacelle said...

erin: no

Tracy said...

You've become a wise and kindly ruler...instead of a "put-their-heads-on-pikes" kind of a ruler...not so bad...but keep a pike close by to wave at the minions to remind them of where you can return to if pressed!

Amanda May said...

Where did hard ass Tiffany go???? I don't like the softer side....