Oh Facebook, we need to take a break

12 months of status updates...

On the fourth day of Christmas..

Dave never fails to deliver.

Pimp Santa

Taken in Las Vegas last Christmas. If you can't tell, he was eating some kind of danish too. Not sure where he was headed, maybe to a mall to talk to kids, or maybe to the hood to smack up some hos. Either way, seeing this made my trip.

10 year old little liars...

So I woke up at about 5 a.m. this morning and it felt like the right side of my face was on fire. I couldn't lay on that side of my head and could barely swallow or talk. Long story short a few hours later I was in the doctors office learning that I had a Peritonsillar Abscess (a puss party on the back of my tonsil) and that they were going to pump me with pills and give me a shot in hopes to avoid having to go in and drain the thing. Like most people I'm not a big fan of shots but since I had put my big girl panties on this morning I figured I would have to be an adult about it - something that was made even more difficult since, showing up to the doctor's office as a "walk-in," they put me in the available kids room with brightly colored walls with kid drawings...

Exhibit A
But while anticipating and dreading my shot, and looking at all the drawings, I found comfort in 10 year-old Victoria's message..

Exhibit B


Well Victoria you are a little liar and if you did that picture for a class project I hope you got an F. I don't know what the hell kind of shot you are talking about but obviously it wasn't the slow, thick antibiotic shot that they slowly stick in your hip because that thing hurt so bad I wanted to punch a hole in the wall...and it continued to hurt way after I left. Let's face it Victoria you don't know what you are talking about and you..... never.... did. You were probably referring to some immunization shot you got when you were like five that you barely remember. You irresponsibly created and disseminated to the public inaccurate and false information. I hope your mother grounded you when she saw it or at the very least took you to get an educational tetanus shot. By my count you are probably due for one. In the mean time I have a tip for you. Next time you are asked to draw a picture about something you have no frame of reference on sketch a rainbow and a tree, maybe a few birds, and call it good.

Goodbye Fall

WTH - This is what I came back from sunny California to...


I guess it's time to say farewell Fall...it's been neat. I'll be honest, you aren't really my favorite, but you managed to show us a good time. We'll see you again sometime.

He must have liked it.....

Cuz he went and put a ring on it.

Dear Progresso....

I want to thank you for apparently selling your soul to the darkness in exchange for the recipe to low-fat, low-calorie New England clam chowder. I know that was the only way you were able to create this bowl of steaming creamy goodness and for that I will be forever in your debt.

You might say I am a little bit obsessed with clam chowder. Once I got soaked to the bone in a Virginia squall in exchange for a reputable bowl. I even returned repeatedly to a restaurant that made me sick in the past because their clam chowder was amazing and I refused to believe that it could be the culprit. But even after enjoying the most glorious of chowders, I later suffer from debilitating guilt due to the loaded fat and calories. But what could I do? I had searched for YEARS for a healthy yet decadent tasting clam chowder and always came up short. Well today all that has changed, thanks to you Progresso. I'm not going to say I wasn't skeptical. I mean a chowder that is only 2-points has GOT to be watery, tasteless and probably nothing chowder-like. But within the first taste, angels were dancing on my tongue and I knew my decade-long quest was over. Sorry about your soul, but I know millions will be forever thankful.

Sincerely,

Chowder Power