Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Poetic justice in the most profound form

About four years ago I was in a lane switching war with some guy. Not that it's exactly news living in Salt Lake. There is some phenomenon where, even though this is statistically one of the most kind and charitable cities, once on the freeway drivers automatically become ass hats. It's a race, highway warfare really, and by letting just one car in front of you, you are apparently giving up a large part of yourself. If you have driven here on any freeway just once, I don't have to say anymore. So anyway, that day years ago I happened to be driving my parents' car, full of my family, and was trying to get over into an exit lane. But this guy would absolutely not let me and we were about to miss the exit. Finally I just decided to push in thinking he would just give in - better to let a car in than get in a wreck right? He sped up even more and we were in a game of chicken that he was going to win. I wasn't willing to let him hit me so I quickly aborted mission and when he was up alongside me he looked over at me and sneered.

I haven't forgotten that day, or that sneering tool bag. It's been years but the memory of a guy that was ready to hit a car load of my family members before he would let us off an exit has stayed fresh - not only because it completely incensed me that day, but because he was probably still out there being asinine and getting away with it on the roads. And I want him to get his.

Well last week I was driving back from Orem. Yep, still making that awesome commute only usually I am on the express bus. Anyway it was dark and there were like a million wrecks that night so my top speed for a good half of the drive was around 16 mph. Anyway while approaching one of the crashes it became apparent early that we all had to get over into the far two right lanes. I had some time but started trying to make my way over there anyway. The thing about bad traffic is that most people, the non-ass hat variety, just let their cars roll, breaking whenever they need to. But I ran into trouble when this car refused to let me in. I was really in no hurry so I just waited for her - I personified the driver as a dumb UVU girl in my mind - to eventually pass me and another opportunity to come up. Well that didn't happen so in a last ditch effort I went assertive and tried to push in. She sped WAY up, outing me, and then slammed on the breaks when she was right next to me. Only she wasn't a "she." I looked over and there was, I swear, the same tool bag from four years ago, looking at me dead on with that same assy sneer. It all happened really fast, but right as the anger started to boil something beautiful happened.

The thing about speeding up and slowing down in wall to wall traffic is others follow your lead. And when he accelerated, so did the car behind him, only they didn't know he was doing it to push me out, rather they thought traffic was on the move. So it's no surprise they weren't expecting him to brake all of a sudden. The impact was minor, but seeing him and his car lurch helplessly forward after being hit and the whiplash that would no doubt have him sore for a day or two was worth a million dollars. No, a billion dollars. My grudge from four years ago vanished and anger instantly turned to delight. It was like the universe saying, "hey there, let road jerks be the jerks that they are. They'll get their comeuppance. I'll see to that." Oh, and I went ahead and switched lanes in front of him after that.

Now, for you skeptics, I get that this story is kind of far fetched. With around 2 million people on the Wasatch Front how could I run into the same guy? Well a) it's still possible and b) it is what I saw. And I am sure enough it was him that I feel with strong satisfaction that justice was served.


Raindance said...

Gurl you seriously make me smile! I loved reading this today! thank you for sharing1

Braden said...

I remember that very instant when the "sneering toolbag" almost killed an entire family. I am happy to know justice has been served. I loved this post! It made my day!!